I thought I had lost a bunch of old writing files during one of my apartment moves in New York City, but they ended up being in one of my storage trunks back home in Bristol, Conn.
In the mess of old drafts of Sid Sanford Lives, press releases from my time with the Sanford Mainers, and old love notes—how great was it to get a note back in the day?—I found a journal I kept during the sixth grade.
I found an entry that detailed the happiest day of my life, and happily set out to craft this blog post based on it. However, I also let one of my coworkers read it. She found it amusing, but was practically in tears after perusing some of the subsequent entries.
Since I’m always up for poking fun at myself, here is the happiest day of my life and six other entries I hope you get a kick out of.
The happiest day of my life was when I finished my first book. It wasn’t published or anything, but it got a good grade. It was in second grade. My teacher’s name was Mrs. Carroll. In reading class, she gave us an assignment to write a story.
I went to my desk and gave it some serious thought. My original plan was to write about a man that killed his son, but I changed my mind. I wrote about a bunny rabbit and how he got lost and his family. In the end, the bunny stopped a robber and found his family (editorial note: If I wrote either story today, I would have been thrown into therapy immediately and my parents would have been sent to jail).
Mrs. Carroll said it was a good story. So right then and there I knew I was going to be a writer. I started to write more, but this is about the only complete one. Except for one or two short stories.
That was the happiest day of my life.
I have a good sense of humor (editorial note: No you don’t).
I wouldn’t win Comedian of the Year or anything, but I’m funny (editorial note: no you aren’t).
I think that Tim Allen is funny. He tells good jokes and is always screwing up on his show.
I think the song my classmate Alex came up with was pretty funny. It was taken from the song “Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls” by TLC, but he changed the lyrics to “don’t go chasing molecules.” I think my friend Justin is hilarious. He tells great jokes with funny expressions.
If I were five years older, I would get my license to drive. I would buy a Stringray Corvette. It would be black with a red stripe. I would stay up late and watch television. I would apply for my first job. I have a lot of time to think about it though (editorial note: much of this never happened in 2000).
I have to say that if I had the chance to be someone else, I would not be anyone but myself. Seriously, I would be myself, because I like my life the way it is. I don’t want to change it. I have good grades, good parents, and a great family. So I would never change my life (editorial note: one of my coworkers after reading this said, “Aw, you were so sweet.” The other was ready to say, “You were full of yourself even then,” but I beat her to it).
My fictional classmate’s name is Edwin. He is in the top group. He is only 9-years-old because he was skipped a few grades. He has perfect health, except his teeth are a little crooked and he is near-sighted so he has to wear glasses. He has many friends even though he is only 9-years-old. His first day many kids made fun of him because of his age, but now he is liked by many kids (editorial note: that sound you hear is my coworker laughing up a lung. She found this hilarious and was brought to tears).
Ten things I’d like to do as an adult:
- Take a trip to a distant country to see different cultures.
- Drive through Maine to visit my relatives.
- Publish one of my books.
- This is more of a wish, but I’d like to win the lottery.
- Teach kids about writing.
- Get married, of course.
- To travel whenever I can.
- Raise a family.
- Finally go to Los Angeles!
- Visit old friends and teachers.
Let’s see where I am, shall we?
- Does Canada count?
- Last trip was in 1995.
- (hanging my head in shame)
- Yes, but I took a vow of poverty, so had to give it up. These things happen.
- My cousin Elizabeth has filled up every notebook I’ve given her without a stitch of advice from me.
- Been very blessed to have traveled the country in the last 10 years.
- I waited for several hours in LAX.
- Since I’m old, a lot of my teachers have retired, but I’m friends with some on Facebook!
Jan. 25, 1996
One time I felt out of the group was in fifth grade. I liked this girl and asked her to give me a chance as her boyfriend. She screamed, ran away, and started crying. From that point on, people were acting different toward me. So that is when I felt out of the group (editorial note: She didn’t have to be so mean about it…sniff…).